The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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