Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
