Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
