you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
