Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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