Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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