One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
