Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
