genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
