So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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