dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Come on in and take your pants off
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