Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
