I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
