Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
