I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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