Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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