I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
