To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
