I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
