The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
