eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
