i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
