i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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