apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
