I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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