I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
