My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
