you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
