Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
