I feel like abortions should bother me more
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
