Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
