plz talk dirty to me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
