I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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