just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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