i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
