Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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