Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
