Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
