he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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