Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
