Nicole vs. Life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
