Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
