2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
