dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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