Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
