it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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