Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
