I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
