plz talk dirty to me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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