There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
