I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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