I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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