Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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