Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
birth control should be required to get into college
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
